Typing on ma bed

the english teacher whom I admire and aspire to be like said this once, "Find that turn of the phrase. Find a way to arrange words in an order that sounds different but pleasing, jarring yet sound. Make people think beyond the mere text on the page and you'll have them hooked."

Turn the phrase.

Certain pieces of advice really stick with you. No matter how many hours of schooling you've had that tells you otherwise, you make sure to credit that advice by directly implementing it into the work you're doing currently. For me, I write so many papers and strangely enough, I'm not very good at it. I lose focus of a thesis or topic sentence and I end up writing something that consists of many clever little phrases strung together aimlessly, all of them squirming to gain a significance that is not supplanted by context. Through a talk with my roomie, I realized that my prayer life has become this too. or has always been this. a series of clever phrases.

Ever since I was little, I marveled at these pastors who would make these elaborate and beautiful prayers that lifted my spirit. I wanted to be that man who could spin words to do tricks and amaze a crowd and I consistently surprise myself when I look back and remember just how many times I've had to speak in front of a large crowd.

July 24th, 2007

In the large sanctuary of my Church was the 500 member congregation, I was to be baptized that day. My youth pastor had clumsily forgotten that one of the baptees (hehe) had to give a short statement after their baptism for the adult congregation. With the promise of a free lunch later, my pastor pegged me to do the speaking. I walked up to the very top tier of the stage and walked into the tub, white gown and all, and was gracefully dunked by my head pastor, the most spirit-filled man I've met in my life. As I came up out of the water, there was a microphone at my face. Panic arose in streaks across my face and then I spoke.

"It is such a great privilege to be baptized here today with all of you great people. I am so sure that this is a new beginning to my Christian walk and I am so blessed to be baptized with some of my closest friends. Thank you."

The adults couldn't get enough and that speech was a big point of pride for my parents when the congregation was able to identify me as their child. You turn a phrase correctly, you'll have them hooked.

Wow I haven't written one of these anxiety-riddled Christian entries since my xanga days.

Prayer has become this constantly need to top what I said last. "How do I phrase a prayer of repentance in a more appealing manner? How can I make this prayer neater?" I just want to cry out and not give a damn about what I sound like.